Say what? When I first heard that comment, I was stunned. I even remember feeling sorry for the guy who volunteered that insane statement. “What a wimp,” I told myself, “He probably will let the whole world run over him!” Over time I noticed that Sir Spineless (who, by the way, I later found out was a very successful businessman) seemed happier than me, more content than I felt, and with dignity and integrity, got along with people. So, could it be, is it even possible that there is something to this crazy notion, “I’d rather be kind than right?”
I truly had an inner dilemma: being RIGHT meant a lot to me. I used Google regularly to “fact check” others and kindly but firmly let them know the error of their ways. And, while we could disagree over ideology, I carried the secret belief that I was RIGHT and they were, at best, misguided, or simply dumber than dirt. (Is dirt dumb? I better Google it!).
And this brings me to a comment my niece, a creative and prolific writer, blogger, wife, and mom, shared on one of her posts, ““Excuse me,” I said in my most ‘Minnesota-NICE‘-meets-North-Shore-Chicago-chutzpah voice…” I clicked on the link of “Minnesota-NICE” and found a description that could apply equally to Kansas City. Interesting, I Googled Kansas attitude, Kansas kindness, Kansas personality, and I found one article about the slow, relaxed pace and blue skies occasionally streaked by the exhaust line a jet leaves (Yes, I know, we have been labeled a “flyover” state). So, although we don’t warrant a Wikipedia entry, Kansas City NICE is similar to Minnesota NICE with a dash of the Southerner’s “Bless her heart”, the precursor to smilingly gossiping about someone.
Okay, let’s reject the passive-aggressive or thinly-veiled aggressive, ban the “bless her heart” and we end up with NICE. After 40 years of living in Kansas City, I like NICE. I am a North Shore-Chicagoan-with-chutzpah-voice by birth and Kansas City has thankfully and patiently worn away the Chicago “edge.” See, when I read that Minnesota-NICE can “refer to traffic behavior, such as slowing down to allow another driver to enter a lane in front of the other person” (see Wikipedia’s Minnesota NICE), I thought that was a good thing. In fact, I just returned from a weekend in the North Shore where I dared to let cars in front of me! One man, about to hook bumpers with me because I was only going 3 miles over the speed limit on a residential street, quickly ducked into the right lane when the road temporarily went from 2 to 4 lanes and then sped in front of me…all the 20 yards to the stop light. I ended up following him for several miles and wondered why it was so important to be a few feet in front of me. What benefit did the 5 to 10 second lead time give him and, perish the thought, wasn’t that me when I lived in the Windy City? An honest admission here: that North Shore-Chicagoan-with-chutzpah-voice is still inside me because I fumed that he dared dart in front of me. The distinction is that, more often than not, I behave NICE even when the North Shore-Chicagoan-with-chutzpah-voice wants to act differently.
What is wrong with kindness? Deferring to another driver, holding a door open for others, allowing someone with a handful of groceries to get in front of me at the supermarket checkout line (which, by the way, my bad luck in picking supermarket checkout lines could be another post on its own!), calling a sales clerk by name after reading their nametag---are these dispensable? Are we in such a hurry to be first, the best, the richest, the toughest, the rightest (I think I just coined a word—Sarah Palin has nothing on me!)?
People in Chicago and in many large cities live what I call the “hurry up and wait” life. They act like they must hurry somewhere, only to often wait in long lines when they reach their destination. When I was in Chicago this weekend I could feel my muscles tensing and watched people push, gesture, and behave in a way that, to me, seemed angry. Today I don’t like “angry” or “hurried” or “right.” I like “kind” and have even embraced sayings I once snubbed such as “Wear life like a loose garment.”
Trust me, I am definitely not a pushover. I am a successful businesswoman and very competitive but I am not cutthroat, demanding, or overly aggressive. I choose my battles and often ask myself, “Is this the hill I want to die on?” or “How important is it?” I believe that having integrity and compassion can go hand in hand with success and that NICE trumps aggression. I embrace some of “Chutzpah”. I am gutsy and goal oriented, but today I leave the “brazen” and “gall” for someone more comfortable with those traits. So, Minnesota NICE or Kansas City Kindness versus Chicago Chutzpah? You betcha!
