If you are following my blog (you are, aren't you?), you'll know about my love affair with Leopard Hills, which proved to be short lived. There is so much more to the story:
After choosing twice baked cheese souffle, Kingslip in a beurre blanc with sautéed green beans, and caramelized mango for dinner, I climbed into the Land Rover for our afternoon game drive. A ranger had spotted a cheetah earlier in the day, so we were off in pursuit of the elusive cat. We drove and drove with no sighting. Finally, Raymond, our Ranger, stopped the vehicle and informed us that he and Ronald, our Tracker, would walk the area for a few minutes searching for our spotted friend.
That's when my mind grabbed me and wouldn't let go. Whenever they smell, taste, see, or feel fear, The committee of Ladies, a/k/a The Ladies, step into that cavern between my ears. As usual, they all began talking at once:
"Well, I've never..."
"How long will they be gone? Is this the old African '10 minutes' which translates to 'whatever'?
"What if they don't come back? What if a leopard jumps us?" asked the worry wart.
"Silly child, we'll take Raymond's rifle, shoot the predator, and use the radio to call for help," answered Ms Macho.
Raymond and Ronald returned, announced they found no cheetah, and we kept in hot pursuit! We did see some elephants and a leopard...
"Elephants, schmelaphants---who needs to see any more stupid elephants?" whined the spoiled brat.
"The leopard is no big deal. We had a much better sighting in Savuti!" the snob added.
When the big moment finally arrived, the cheetah sighting, they chorused,
"Well, it's about time! Can we just go back to Leopard Hills NOW!"
Murphy's Law partner complained, "Bummer, look how many safari vehicles are here. We need a traffic cop!"
"Okay already, how long are we going to sit here watching the cheetah? I'm bored!" the forever annoyed adolescent complained.
The Ladies grudgingly admitted that dinner tasted excellent and the table was elegantly embellished with a silver multi-branch candelabra, although one felt a true safari would be more rustic and the perpetual dieter expressed concern over my caloric intake.
I had hoped for a peaceful night's sleep, but the ladies spent the night critiquing the camp and found it necessary to wake me with what they considered were their more salient comments.
The sun set and, per routine, rose again this morning:
This morning's game drive started off with another search for a leopard. The Ladies having succeeded in bringing out some of my old character defects, decided to sleep in, confident I wouldn't find any joy on this game drive, either.
Carrying The Ladies' banner of negativism, I found reason to find fault with the sighting and I found myself starting to fall asleep-a remarkable feat considering that we were bouncing along at a rapid clip. I made a mental note to scratch South Africa's commercial safaris from my list forever. Then we came upon...TO BE CONTINUED
